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Bee was going to a dance on Friday night, I think the boy she likes was planning on going too. All the 6th Graders were invited - it was over at another school.
She picked out her outfit Thursday night and then gave me a shopping list for Friday - some oils she had heard worked ever so well on curly hair. So I got similar oils and some lip gloss on Friday, as instructed. (trying on the good mum front).
One of her friends was coming home with us Friday after school. Once home, they got snacks, went up in her room and the music came on.
Took me back.......to the 80s...when I did very similar things...(at other people's houses) and it meant everything.
I went in later to check on them. They were in her bathroom - friend helping Bee with her hair. Straightening it, using my heat repair spray on it.....like they had been doing this glamor lark for years. The friend has an iPhone (she too is 11) and they were watching VIDEOS on it.
I felt about 100.
The friend went home to prepare herself with her designer gear. Bee applied and blotted lipgloss 10 times. I showed her how to do a tiny bit of blue eyeliner (a la 80s) and a smidge of mascara. She has very pretty eyelashes already.
I offered a pair of my cool flat shoes that went with her outfit. Hubby scowled throughout.
She went out looking age appropriate (I think) with another girlfriend to boot. They were so excited. And I so wanted them to have a good time.
The really funny thing was that they were asked to bring a 'personal care item' to the dance. I think it was part of a fundraising for a hostel close by.
So 3 trendy girls walk down my path. - heading to the Friday night dance.
The friend in the designer bleached jeans holding 3 toothbrushes.
The friend with supermodel skinniness and furry boots, holding 2 boxes of soap.
And Bee, in my shoes, holding a 4 pack of toilet rolls not the slightest bit embarrassed.
Am sure that at 11 I would have gone for something 'other' than toilet rolls!!!!!
They came back at 10.30 and I took one of Bee's friends home. They giggled away and told me how they had danced on the stage. There had been a dry ice/smoke (?) machine. Their friend had done 'the worm' 3 times. Hope that was a dance move, not a boy?
She had a great time out. They were already talking about the next dance for Christmas.
She is growing up and drives me up the wall, A LOT but I think she's doing ok.
She went to bed at 11pm. At least she got to lie in!!
I am now the only non US citizen in this house.
Hubby was sworn in today. Came home with his certificate and a little flag etc.
He called me in the car to tell me he couldn't actually get sworn in (he is the worst for winding up.....) as there had been an issue with an old speeding ticket of mine which had hindered his case.
Of course I fell for it...started going into how I HAD sorted the mix up out - they had actually assigned it to him by mistake....anyhow - he was describing the ceremony whilst I was still plotting evil ways to make him pay for having me going.
Today he said there were 68 new citizens sworn in during his 'session' - from 30 different countries.
Apparently, this INS procedure, compared to Green Card/Legal Alien application, is 'a piece of piss.'
Still need to get a new appointment for mine. Still worrying about 'the test.' Oh and I also fell for him telling me that Jan 1st 2010 would bring in a new test with double the question..... Yes, I am truly that gullible.
Now comes his job of getting a US passport.
He was planning to do it expedited - as he has a trip out of the country in less than 2 weeks. So he phoned for an 'emergency appointment' and they gave him a day he can't possibly do (can't remember why) - and the only other day is the day he flies and it may not process in time.
So he has had to cancel his flight, lose his $600 and wait a few days....because then he flies to UK within the 2 week time frame so can hopefully get one before then,
Whilst he can keep his UK passport and could, in theory travel on that, he has had to give up his Green Card already....so getting back into US could prove tricky.
It is all very complicated. Very.
My friend coming into London made me put a brave face on a bit. We had tickets to see Billy Elliot and I figured I would maybe sleep if it was naff - remembered seeing the film a few years ago and liked it but didn't love it.
We had brilliant seats. Could see the orchestra and the conductor which actually made it more interesting for me. It used a heavy northern dialect throughout which surprised us. That together with all the miners strike references, the Margaret Thatcher puppet, Michael Hesseltine (?) hair...must have been wasted on a lot of the foreign theater goers.
We got the tube home (via quick stop to buy ground almonds.....) and saw this interesting ice cream shop...had to have a photo ...but no ice cream as we were still so stuffed from our amazing excellent meal at lunch - Salt and Pepper near Harrods. Excellent.
My friend then came back to my room to help me pack. She was the cutter outer of labels on new clothes - the turn it inside out-er of things in case UK customs got me. Very helpful, saved me some time.
Packed, she went to bed and my insomnia, worrying started again......
It was most certainly one of those over analysing life situations....get me home, stop me thinking....
I remember feeling like this once before as a student in Austria. Again I was alone...and in a bad place (mentally) and just needed to get back to people and busy life.
Maybe a shrink could evaluate me and tell me this escapism is really unhealthy for me.... that I need to confront my demons etc.
But I just don't think I can do that right now....
Ended up waiting a lot. Taking things out of my bags that I didn't want to take back to America...didn't care to. Had 2 showers. Brushed teeth several times. Watched bad soap omnibuses on tv.
Hell at one stage I was even dancing along to Zumba bloody infomercials and tempted to even phone and order it...but figured the box set with free shaker thingies would be available here too.
Breakfast....when my friend and I had a laugh and compared school mum stories and the mad over achieving UK mums VS mad overachieving US mums . . . .
And then it was taxi time... Paddington....a goodbye....Heathrow Express.....on the way home.
The flight was quite empty. I had a whole row to myself. They didn't make a fuss about my ridiculous amount of hand luggage.
I was asleep before we took off. Saved some tears....
I woke up to hear meal selection....but was asleep by the time it got to me so didn't have any which was fine, had no real need.
Watched one film....and read the papers and magazines....and slept some more.....
Watched the map.......it was a 10hr flight in the end but it was ok.
And then we landed......nearly nearly home.....
Immigration was a breeze. Figured this may be my last time as a UK citizen through the control....
Waited for bags forever it seemed. One came through...the other took 20 minutes to get out. I have had babies quicker ffs!
Denver has very strange trolleys (to accomodate skis) but got it all on....
Hubby and Rory picked me up. Kept it all together and kept hugging them until Hubby was worried about airport police glaring at our car in the drop off zone....
Headed to school to get the others who all seemed pleased to see me. Hugs all around and was brought up to speed with their week on the drive home....all the stuff we need to sort out....
Was already texting/phoning in the car (Hubby driving).
Have now
RSVPed for a party for Mac.
Told Bee why she can't straighten her hair every day despite what the book may say.
Got Paddy a lift to Basketball scrimmage (?) tomorrow night.
Okayed Paddy playing in a basketball game on Saturday morning.
Spoken to both of Bee's friend's divorced folk to agree to car pool/drop off their daughter.
Called to confirm middle schooldance location times etc for Bee's dance tomorrow. ....
Then it was home for more hugs, dinner and little presents before the kids got to bed.
Hectic already, but it is what I have needed to throw me into it. To get my head focused a bit.
Showered, ready for bed. Waiting for Ambien to kick in......
.
Thank you all for your comments. It really really made a difference to the support and made me feel far less alone.
You bloggers, you.....yet again....come to my rescue. :) A hug to each and every one of you.
x
I have been away in London for the past 4 days.
Yes, London England.
Some of you close friends know this - to many of you others, I could have shared this news and maybe met up with you - but this trip was already quite earmarked. It was a break I needed but which has left me in turmoil.
1/2 of me never wants to set foot of this side of the pond again. Ever.
Then some of me just wants to come back here and be really English.
And a bit of me just doesn't even care if I get up tomorrow.
But I have missed my kids so so much. I despise myself for leaving them for my own disasterous self centered reasons. My break and 'quest' for 'me time' has fucked me up (excuse my French) in a way I let possible. I am sick to my stomach and find myself at 1.05am paying silly hotel ££ to use their internet....I just can't sleep.
My bags are packed to return to America Thursday am..but if I lie in bed my mind just races and gives me no no hope.
I met a dear friend tonight and we went to the theater. It was wonderful (Billy Elliot) and it zoned me for a while. Like many things these 4 days, I was wholly unworthy of it all.
I head to Heathrow tomorrow (today). I am going home. To see my kids and decide what to do. To hug them so hard and remember they are my only reason for being.
Sat here in reception in sunglasses to hide my tears.
You know when you have looked forward to something so so so TOO much. Well it's not a disappointment at all, you just then find reality hard afterwards. It's maybe the crash and burn. I don't know.
I had vodka at lunch to chill a little - and I don't drink.
I am not taking hardly worn shoes home with me - my bags are over weight but I am happy to leave them here - that is just so not me.
Even shopping with my friend today - was just no big thrill even though I normally LOVE shopping in UK.
I am a mess. A fuckwit. Who is going to try and lie down on a bed and watching mind numbing tv. Until it is time to go.
x
Who Knew lyrics
Songwriters: Martin, Max; Moore, Alecia B; Gottwald, Lukasz;
You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh, that's right
In everything you said to me
Yeah huh, that's right
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
?Cause they're all wrong
I know better
?Cause you said forever
And ever, who knew?
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no, no no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
But they knew better
Still you said forever and ever
Who knew? Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we, until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened?
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
?Cause they're all wrong
And that last kiss I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling, who knew?
My darling
My darling, who knew?
My darling I miss you
My darling, who knew?
Who knew?
Feeling a bit down to say the least. Don't feel like blogging so much as an outlet. Too much going on in my head. Need to keep busy. Wanting to just focus on Hubby and kids for a while - to know what is and should be far more important. And make the best of things. Life is just too short.
Mother in law arrives at the weekend to stay for Thanksgiving (this year I am going to try and at least be more American in the sense of being a lot more thankful for what I HAVE and not just crave what I WANT). As much as mother in law bugs me, I think I need the company right now. And I have a big Christmas project fpr Hubby which I started and now must finish. Will be unique, but very time consuming but I am determined to do it all.
Hubby went and did his American citizenship this week, passed with flying colors and they wanted to swear him in that very afternoon but he had a meeting to get to. So he gets sworn in Friday. Still haven't got an appointment for mine. Another big change to come. Maybe it will make me more patriotic and socially aware? God knows I need to become a MUCH BETTER PERSON.
Peace out peeps.
x
Hubby is going to be using my car for a few days. Or 'skip on wheels' as he calls it. Apparently, never again am I going to be 'allowed' a brand new car..as it can just make a grown man cry....yada yada yada.
He jokes to people that there is danger in driving my car - not the other people on the roads....but the fact that any type of braking and you are likely to be hit on the head with a stray CD/ old granola bar/ water bottle/ shoe...you get the idea. He may have 'a little point.' But to be honest, I spend SO LONG in the car with the kids etc, that it just gets messy. I let them eat in the car...and after listening to them argue and hit each other on the way home a bit of a tiring drive, when I get us in the garage I need to just get inside and hide checking the car for 'tidiness' is not my main concern.
I mentioned, in passing, that I would vacuum my car out for Hubby. He implied that such an action would be a waste...it wasn't actually the crumbs that were the problem, but instead.....
The 3 or 4 handbags/purses I have kicking around incase I need to pass them out to friends on the way to school.
In my defence I can say that color co-ordinating bags to outfits is something I do occasionally. And then I realise that needed cheque book/tampon/lipstick is in pink bag etc...so easier to keep a few at hand I say.
The 12 pencils that are underfoot for no reason.
Quite often,in waiting around at martial arts or whatever, the older children start their homework in the car. My having pencils there gets rid of the 'I've forgotten my pencil excuse.'
The numerous CD cases (usually minus CDs) that I feel compelled to buy, just to keep the US CD market afloat.
I buy CDs. Shoot me. I currently have 11 year old daughter loading up my iPod (which it took me an hour to find) - that is how little 'interest' I have in iPod even though I use it occasionally. My iPod is apparently so old that the last Apple tosspot Genius I showed it to scowled at it like it was a RELIC from the cold war!!! CDs are far easier for me in the car...even though he got me a built in iPod playing button gadget thingy. (Told you I was a high tech gal).
Endless creations made by kids at school.
Talking therapy and self worth here. I can't keep them all - but I like to keep some in the car for a bit - so the kids can see I am enjoying them, before they 'disappear.'
Box of tissues.
Endless colds and runny noses. Morning allergies mean someone is sneezing/snotty on the drive to school. Tissues are dispensed and handed back (the kids are in 2 rows behind me) - they are as necessary as the steering wheel IMO. Hubby's threat of throwing all my crap in the boot/trunk could have a snot filled consequence on the back of his jacket (would prove a point).
Box of wet wipes.
Pretty much the same reasons as above. Except it can also be crumbs/chocolate wiped from faces (theirs). Also good for cleaning the car windows at times too. Or cleaning a handbag that has been on the floor and been stood on....
Tylenol bottles.
The kids make NOISE. I get a lot of headaches. It also dulls pain before bikini waxes etc.
Headphones.
We have DVD players in the car and cordless headphones. It's an indulgence for the kids I know - but can be useful when they squabble. I actually think it is more of a sanity saver for the parents/driver. But that is just MY opinion. Some people prefer to listen to the soundtrack of Toy Story etc until they are word perfect (will they add it to their CV?) ....
ANYHOW Hubby has his own way of doing things. But strange how he wants to keep the kids in MY car rather than his obsessively clean Audi.....when of course, it is only the parent's fault that the cars get such a mess in the first place . . . .
Going to go and hoover now like a woman POSSESSED!!!!!
Hubby asked me if I wanted to meet him for lunch today. I didn't have time I told him. He seemed quite miffed. We haven't been spending a lot of time together recently. He asked me what I was up to instead (kids being at school today).... I told him I wanted to go and see the Michael Jackson movie before it left theaters. How a friend had seen it and said it was definitely worth seeing on the big screen. Half joking I asked if he wanted to come too. And he said he'd call me - really thought he was winding me up.
But he called and we arranged to meet up. Spoke again on the way (separate cars) and he wanted to stop and get coffee - where as I wanted to just go straight there. We stopped at Starbucks and chatted a bit - then I rushed off to get the tickets. We are so so different. He hates previews/adverts/trailers. I love them - it's part of going to the movies. Anyhow, we saw a few trailers (being late). He checked his Blackberry - I scowled.
Hubby and I rarely go to the movies together as we like such different things. But I knew that watching this Michael Jackson film could just have a monologue of sarcasm coming from Hubby -- I told him I'd change seats if he started. The movie theater had so much room anyhow. But then a large lady came to sit RIGHT in front of us. She had a huge tub of popcorn and a large soda too and I knew this would bug Hubby (the rattling etc) which in turn would make me want to poke his eyes out. So I waved my hands - in the dark - towards Hubby in a sort of 'Oh no!' type gesture and the WOMAN SAW!!!! Did I say she was African American? And I am white? And she moved seats - rows - sections and I felt so bloody racist even though I hadn't meant that at all - I was just freaking because of knowing Hubby's intolerence and noise issues at the movies.
ANYWAY.
It was a surprise of a movie. I wouldn't class myself as a Michael Jackson fan. I will always remember where I was when I heard he'd died (read it on my Blackberry near the sink in the house we were staying in - In Italy). But this was all the footage from the concert rehearsals - not meant to be seen but for MJ's private videos. Sure, it has choreography moves and interviews with musicians and dancers - but it mainly shows the rehearsing.
It is amazing. It is such an insight. He was very VERY involved. It wasn't at all what I had expected when all the reports made out he was using such powerful sleeping drugs each night through IV.... He is really together, He has all the moves even though he was not dancing and singing at 100% (this was his practise time and you can hear him saying that he has to preserve his voice for the real thing'). But he knows what he wants from the dancers, the musicians - he is VERY involved and it looked like it would have been ONE HELL of a production.
But it was also quite sad to see all the practise - all the hopes - knowing he was maybe just doing this to bail out of his financial woes. But he cared deeply. He was at ease on that stage - he knew his songs, the musical arrangements INSIDE OUT - the way they had been written. He seemed such a perfectionist - must have been hard to work with him. You saw how ill at ease he was in the down time between the song practises etc. But it was a fascinating, albeit tragic glimpse into his work.
If you remember any of Jackson's songs from growing up, you'd get a kick from this movie. I'd never have paid to go to a concert but I am so glad I saw this on the big screen (apparently they are going to extend its run?). It is almost haunting. There is no adlib added after his death. There is no commentary referring to all the accusations over the years. There are no shots of his kids - it is all music and rehearsal based. It's not just a hyped up view.
But even Hubby (the cynic) was amazed at how truly talented Michael Jackson came across as - and not just through the editing.... and Hubby was quiet for the whole film....
It is kid friendly too - so we may take the middle 2 kids at the weekend. See if they can learn the moves.....!
