Seems old Vox have had enough.
Was it my constant spelling mistakes?
Or just my general moodiness?
I am packing my bags, taking my shoes and heading over to WordPress - so expect lots of 'how do you....?' bits.
Thank you for all the comments. Please come and see me soon...
I am reading this:
which is very light and easy and cliche chic lit and what I needed today. I have just gotten to the part where the American shrink has opened up her UK 'School for Husbands' whose marriages are in trouble and they are on their last chance. She is going around the men with a check list - well she is asking them questions - hearing their answers and putting them right.
Some of the questions made me chortle....
1.Where is the iron in your house?
2. Explain how the dishwasher's automatic unloading and restacking function works.
3. What is the correct answer to the question posed by your wife, "Tell me, honestly, how do I look?"
4. What is the correct answer when your wife asks you, in a restaurant, the following question: "Can I have one of your chips?"
5. What is the correct answer to the question posed by your wife, "Can we go away on holiday this year?"
6. What is the correct response to the question, "We've run out of tonic. Do you think the off-licence is still open?"
7. What is the correct response to the question, "Do we have any chocolate?"
Answers are on pages 186-191 on the US edition above.
(As I was reading these and thinking about responses etc - Hubby offered to make me a Hot Chocolate. He brought it in to me and asked me if I had a pen handy. I did. He told me to write a number down and I immediately thought it was another thing to put on my 'to do list' for tomorrow.....
"Well I want you to write down to dial 1 800 I don't give a fuck if it's too hot!" he told me. Nice).
I phone England a lot. Almost daily - to catch up with friends (mainly) - to arrange things or shop, or sometimes, to speak to family. This is, for me, a really tough one to do.
My Gran, who brought me up, is very much a 'glass half empty' sort of old woman. She has very few real friends but lots of acquaintances. And to her, 'what people think' is the the be all and end all. She would cut off her nose to spite her face - or as a family member put it once, 'she could fall out with her own bloody shadow.'
I'm not sure at what age I realised that she didn't 'act' normal - rather that she didn't process her emotions properly. She is unable - for whatever reason - to show her true emotions - so instead, prefers to cut you out of her life or blatantly ignore you. This made it pretty tough growing up as a kid in her house - she also suffers from depression - a barrel of laughs it was not.
Although I haven't lived with her properly since I was 18 when I left to be an au-pair (and she didn't see me off, or wish me well, but told me to leave my keys as she was putting the house up for sale), I have this feeling of 'obligation.' - that she took me in (adopted me) and I owe her. It is not love at all - I still (unfortunately) have too much anger towards her - but now being a mother, I pity her more than anything. I wish she could see how her choices have made her life miserable. Not her conditions - her not being wealthy - but her inability to look on the bright side, to trust, to give people a second chance......
Just two weeks ago she fell in her house one morning. She lives alone. Eventually she made it to the phone (she doesn't like to use the mobile phone we got her this summer) and she called an ambulance. And she was able to unlock the door for them to reach her. She was taken into hospital where numerous tests were carried out - but - according to her, revealed nothing.
A neighbour in the street had seen the ambulance arrive and ferry her off. And the neighbour apparently knows her son through work - (my uncle?) and called him....so he tracked down his mother and went to hospital to see her. Apparently she told him, in no uncertain terms, that she didn't want to see him - had never asked him to help her in her life and she wasn't about to start - that he should leave and not come back - ever. Oh and he wasn't to get in touch and tell me what was happening.
Then apparently when she was dropped off home by a taxi, the ambulance woman had locked the front door wrong and her key didn't fit and she had to flag down the taxi driver to help her get in by shattering a pane of glass that SHE will now have to pay for......
I only found this out when she told me the week later. (She doesn't 'believe' in answering machines and if someone is wanting to phone her, they will, apparently, try again).... I ring every now and then (I try weekly if my nerves are up for it) - but often she is out for the day. There are also time differences to deal with etc.
But to be honest - I have to brace myself for these phone calls. They take it out of me (mentally). I can be met with such doom and gloom - not only who has died in the village (I recall very few of who they are) - but just her take on life.
Today, I decided to call and see how she had got on at the Doctors last week - but you can't come right out and ask this, otherwise you are, apparently, only phoning to see if she is going to kick the bucket........ I was home, had enough time to speak to her before I had to go and pick up the kids - it was 9.15pm in England so she would have watched her soaps - it wasn't too late....(she's told me before to call her on an evening as she doesn't go to bed until after 10).
Well it was - too late that is - the first thing was, did I know what time it was in England?
She had been nodding off in the chair......
But how were we anyway?......Was Hubby in town and helping with the kids at all?
She had put some money in Paddy's bank account for his birthday seeing as cards are a waste of money....but could I check with the bank to see the money was in the account because they never gave her a proper deposit slip and she doesn't trust them........
She was going to go and get a cup of tea and a biscuit - she had bought these today because they were on special offer - only 93p - but when she got to the desk they had tried to charge her 'over a pound' and she had told them they were 93p and they hadn't believed her - they had made her wait whilst they had gone and checked and sure enough they were 93p and they didn't apologise and she won't be going back there again.......
Because you really have to watch these people (British people? Or is this advice to 39 year old me just to watch everyone???) - as the same happened in Asda on Monday. When they rung her up at the till she didn't think they charged her right and she went to complain at the Customer Service desk and AGAIN they didn't believe her at all. And they made her wait and then came and gave her the money in difference - and she asked them - weren't they supposed to do something else if the customer noticed a descrepency on their bill - and it was only because she REMINDED the cashier that they gave her a 2 pound gift card. You see! They wouldn't have given it to her even though they were in the wrong....
Nope - she hadn't been to the Doctors - she only sees the one Doctor - doesn't like the young one - but she'll walk down to make an appointment soon......
And how are the kids - Am I watching them closely on the roads? Because the cars go fast... (specifically in Denver I wonder?).
What have I been doing? Taking things to the Charity shop? Terrible because there is a lot of good stuff I am probably throwing away needlessly..... but then, that's all right for me- with a car to take it - where as the charity people put bags through her door - whether she wants them or not - and they will pick up your goods - but she doesn't trust them. She has heard that they sell it on and make a profit and pocket the difference.....
AND AT THIS STAGE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE
And it really is time, nearly to go and get the kids anyway - if I do a load of laundry beforehand and make a drink - so I say goodbye and tell her to take it easy and I will phone her again next week.
And I Knnoooooooooow I probably seem uncaring and I will, hopefully, be old one day, but for the love of God, could you give me a cyber bloody slap if you see me doom and sodding glooming like that. Purlease.
Hubby is flying back to England next week to go to a Wedding - one of his oldest mates is FINALLY getting hitched.
They went to infant school together and grew up in the same street. Hubby was with him when this bloke had his first 'fumble' with a girl (and then gave her 20p for her bus fare home) - yep - he is a real class act.
I met him when Hubby and I were first dating and I really REALLY disliked the guy. He was a first class prat. He had this idea he was God's gift to women - obviously never looked in the mirror. And I know Hubby only told me a few of the things they got up to as teens/twenties boys but it was enough... just to give you a taster...
He vowed he had his levels/limits - that he could only ever date someone a UK size 10 or less.
He once told a girl getting into a taxi that she should go home and put a G-string on as she'd never pull with that VPL.
He once sent a letter to a girl he had been dating - she dumped him on the Sunday even though he had been out with her on the Saturday and let him buy her loads of things - saying that it was basically fraud and she should return all the things before he got onto his solicitor.
Prize prat.
But over the years maybe I have mellowed (or just become insane) but I can actually be in the same room as him now. He has, in a way, a heart of gold.
He has been out to see us a few times in America and always been a great guest. He also dislikes MIL so we can always chat over that.
Back in 1998 when Bee was a baby, he came out and stayed with us. We lived in California. He was very helpful getting a lizard for us that got into the house! We went to Venice Beach for the day where he ooogled the ladies (US size 6 and below) behind his glasses. He bought those cheap nasty nylon baggie trousers - 2 for $10 in a cheap plaggy bag.....and then went into Versace in Rodeo Drive and got some stuff too. He really doesn't care what people think (if you had seen some of his outfits over the years you'd so get this). He also had his fortune read that day - said he would marry someone older - someone who had been married and had already had kids.
So, 12 years later - in 10 days in fact, he is marrying.......someone older, divorced, who has kids.
She is lovely. In a way faaaar too good for him. But she knew him for ages before they hooked up - we actually went out with them when he was trying to persuade her to really get romantically involved with him...and we gave her some pros and cons. But they go ever so well together. And I really wish I could go to their wedding.
But - oh what to get them......
Well, if I tell you - for our wedding, he got us a Harrods sweatshirt. Why, you wonder? Because Hubby had had a girlfriend once who dumped him but nicked his Harrods sweatshirt (was she mad - they are vile?) but Hubby was apparently most put out about the sweatshirt - hence their 'joke'.
So today, I have been running around town trying to track down some baggies... .those dreadful nylon pants (easier said than done - had to order them on line in the end) - because just this summer at their house, bride to be was saying how he STILL wore those trousers and she hated them - he said they were just so comfy - and she would put them in the bin, and he would alays rescue them - and in the end she had to burn them in the fire- so as a joke we have the baggies.
Hubby has amazoned a DVD of Quadrophinia and he is going to stick a 20p to the front.
I need to get a leather g-string Speedo (omg - help) as apparently Groom to be once wore one on a holiday and thought he was God's gift.
As something semi tasteful I also got them (her) this today.
Only for him can you go wedding shopping in Tiffanys followed by Walmart!!!!
And I still have to get him the g-string thingy!
And not just because I like Oliver Platt....
...as in this week has.
It has been my first week (not full week though) of having all my little munchkins at school. We've managed to get out of the door by 7.25 am each day and we've been ready for doors opening at school (although Bee walks over to a different entrance, because, you know, it would be like, just TOTALLY uncool to have to wait with us).
Here's a few things I have found out this week.
Rory is remarkably confident in his new classroom to say he knew only one other kid in there (and this wasn't the one he played with).
The city now requires pre-school kids to wash their hands every time they enter the classroom - or sneeze, or blow their nose -= a lot of hand washing - and the teacher thinks they should therefore all have hand lotion too. (WTF).
Mac has calmed down a lot since Kindergarten. He is thriving in a real classroom - that is where they are expected to work more and play less. He is very excited to see his homework packet coming home tonight.
Bee even noticed that the girl who has her old locker from last year is 'a neat freak' compared to the way my darling daughter used to keep it. She has been wanting me to braid/plait her hair. I am quite good at this, even if I say so myself.
Rory's biggest news on the first day of 'big school' was that someone peed their pants (but he said it in a nice way - not in a making fun of way). Day 2, someone puked.
Paddy had had to fill in a sheet about where he inagines he'll be in 20 years time. The teacher showed it to me because she thought it was 'so darling.' The line that got her, was apparently 'I hope to have two lovely children and a job.' She thought that the phrase 'lovely children' sounded so British. I just saw there was no mention of a wife!
Rory (age 4) manages to keep his dollar in his sock for buying apple juice when he has hot lunch - way better than Mac manages to even (aged 6).
This was one of the things that Paddy had done this week - where there is his first name.... then this paragraph,,,,then his last name - it made me laugh...
.
...because he never even watches American Idol to know who Simon Cowell is!!!!
For me the week has been great - sooooo much free time that I have indeed managed to fill up very easily. I have remembered where the gym is and made full use of the steam room and showers and even some of their workout equipment (in that order).
I have been nice to all the builders running around my house.... making loads of noise etc but getting a lot done still.
I have taken loads of things to the charity shop as I have attempted to clear out a place a day.
I have returned phonecalls, made appointments, paid bills in leisure......sent cards, wrapped presents....been out for lunch with friends.
I have stayed calm despite our air conditioning breaking upstairs and it being 100 degrees outside. (Borrowed fans from a friend) - and Hubby has agreed to pay the $2500 to fix it.
I did however get very cross with the Homeowners ASSociation who sent us a snooty letter about our builder's sign (it was, apparently made of the wrong material and so 'lowers the tone'). And then I really lost it with them when they sent us another letter about OUR cars being parked outside OUR house over night on the road - because our driveway is full with a dumpster/tiles/woood etc for the building work - which they themselves approved. I came in very late last night and saw the security guard behind my car writing down my license plate details. I ripped him a new one all right.
Then came inside, ate chocolate and remembered to breathe.
And it's nearly nearly September.
Having been tagged by the gorgeous THIRTY NINE YEAR OLD Karen let me have a think about this.
Hmmm. Don't get me wrong - I love being a mummy of 4 (mostly) wonderful kids and I know I am really lucky to be in a position that I can stay home with them (actually 'ferry them around' is more accurate). Hell, I was even baking yes REALLY really baking cookies and muffins last night for their school snacks today. Sometimes, I embrace my role wholeheartedly. And yet, recently, probably because all 4 are now (gulp) at school full time, lots of people have asked me; "What are you going to do with ALL your TIME now?"
And I joke...I say I am going to sleep and do my laundry in peace - which I am sure I will do - but part of me (the part I tend not to listen to much) wonders if I shouldn't be doing something more.
It's not as though I am actually qualified to do that much. Sure I have a degree but it doesn't mean too much. I trained as a teacher in UK and have a few years experience of that under my belt but it is not in a relevant subject for America- and I have no qualms about having any desire to do that in America. Re-accreditation (?) nope.
As a really young person - maybe about 9 - I wanted to be a policewoman. Too much Juliet Bravo perhaps? I wanted to do that more than anything. I was talked out of it...told I would have to go to the scenes of accidents and pick up severed limbs. Yep - that little pep talk was a real help. Later I found that I wasn't really tall enough for most Police forces - is that still an issue?
When I was young....say 11 or 12 - I really thought I would end up as a secretary. Not necessarily WANT but I thought that would be a fair job that I would be capable of doing. I think the idea of a rain mac (with a belt) and clip clop heels probably had something to do with it.....
And I did ok at school - primarily because I was a swot. Some years I was good at maths. Some other times English became my forte (but not when it was Shakespeare). Then out of no where I became good at foreign languages. I remember having the career interview - maybe we were around 13 or 14. And I said to the career dude how I wanted to go to France (it was, specifically France) and teach THEM how to speak English. The career dude didn't get it. I tried to explain it. I think she tried to persuade me I should just teach French in England but that wasn't what I meant at all. I wanted to live somewhere foreign (oh the IRONY)...and teach them how to speak English (Again...IRONIC - 'cos....y'know)....
Whilst I was away at University I did actually get some TEFL qualifications. And for two summers I worked out in Italy teaching rich, spoilt Italian kids how to speak a bit of English. Mainly they wanted swear words. Or football phrases - but it was an amazing experience.
In between school and University I took a Gap Year (quite rare back then and really quite out of keeping with my run of the mill path of life). Whilst over in Germany, of course I met a gorgeous German AT THE END of my bloody 15 months there. But I did contemplate staying out there and blowing off University. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had. I got application forms for some of the airlines - I remember having a stroppy conversation with a Lufthansa rep about my height AGAIN being an issue. Not sure I would have been much of a trolly dolly but I did consider it (and I always glare at short attendants now).
If I had my time over I would go for the things I really wanted to do then. Or I would have looked into things that intrigued me more......behind the scenes in television - maybe even journalism. I think sometimes you can be on the straight and narrow just a little bit too much - never daring to take a chance etc. Being too 'plod like' and 'safe.' Does that make sense?
I'm not sure at all that University was right for me. I think my year out of education at an early age (well 18) taught me far more than any professor ever did.
Maybe I still have some of that 'chance' inside me.....still (hopefully) a few years to make a splash in some field maybe :)
***************************************
“What did you want to be when you were young” is the new brainchild of the man, the myth, the legend The Blog Up North. It’s a brand spanking new meme where you’re supposed to get all introspective, look in the mirror and tell the world if you see the person you hoped you’d become. Or something better. Or worse.
And I think I am supposed to tag people......
Ohhhhhhkay.
Well these would be interesting..........
and
Mrs Her House (when she is back off her hols). http://whatshappeningatmyhouse.wordpress.com/
And as Karen said......
"Please borrow the graphic, mention who tagged you, tag some others and get writing. And, even if you’ve not been tagged, please feel free to participate. Just be sure to leave me a comment to let me know that you did."
(I mean it can't be any duller than mine!!!!).
...you hear a huge scream anywhere in the world. oh say about 8am US Mountain time Monday 23rd August 2010, it COULD be me.
It could mark the end of the summer holidays..... all the fun times I have had with my lot since they finished school on May 25th.
It could mark my relief at FINALLY getting a real chunk of time to myself (although it's a half day so I have to pick them all up again by 11am).
It could be my joy at the drop off with all the other mums and their faux-interest in your summer whilst they weigh up if you've put on weight (yes), if you're still wearing your wedding ring (yes) and whether you look pregnant (hopefully no).
It could be the fact that MY YOUNGEST is starting school (well Pre-K) and that he is so ready to go - and I will be sort of 'lost' without him for a bit. (Was thinking about it tonight - I was in the same classroom dropping off Paddy to the same teacher, just the day before Rory was born)..
It could be my screaming at another way of looking at it - getting my life back (just a tad).
It could also be now that I definately - really really have NO EXCUSE why I can't get to the gym and get my fat arse working out again.
(I'll let you know).
One of my older friend's children leaves for college this week. It is her youngest child and whilst I wouldn't say they were ridiculously close it is the last one to leave - she is both excited and sad. She will miss the child - but it is the end of an era and the start of her 'empty nest' years (is it callous to say she is 'getting her life back'?)???? She is also a very practical person and I get the feeling she will put her house on the market sooner rather than later seeing as her kids have now 'left' home.
So she is asking youngest child to tidy the space called a bedroom - but which, over the years has become a den, an office, a hanging out room for pals etc. One of the kid's friends died this year - in very VERY (headline making) unfortunate circumstances. The kid and this girl were close. REALLY close. So, understandably there are lots of 'reminders' of the friend in the room. The girl who died was supposed to head to the same college as my friend's kid. Though those left behind by her death have supported each other, there is still an ongoing, lingering sadness about it all. Friend has told me some very moving issues that came up in all this - things that you wouldn't necessarily think of in a child's death - really awful things.
Friend was put on the spot as he child sorted out the bedroom and showed the mom some things to do with this girl's passing - things that made the kid too sad - things the kid wanted to get rid of. And friend was in a dilemma - had child (age 17) REALLY thouht through the disposal of the objects...or should she keep the things just in case...... She ended up following kid's wishes - later finding so many mementos of the poor girl that HAD been held onto - she felt she did the right thing. But I think she is also very worried that her kid may find the friend's absense even more harrowing once the college term starts and the friend is again, as always, missing from the kid's life. All terribly terribly sad. And I was amazed at how my friend has worked through it all.
Another friend has been in touch again this week. We were at Uni together. She is British with 2 small children and has just moved over to America (well just before the summer). She was in temporary accommodation whilst waiting for all their furniture to arrive from UK. She was also house hunting from afar for a new place to live in another state - where they would move to in May. Knowing not a soul. It is her husband's job that has brought them over here - for a while she lived back in UK and he flew 3 weeks here, 1 week back - so this move is supposed to have been in the interests of family life. But husband's job requires him to travel most of the time...she is still finding her feet - isn't perhaps the most sociable person on the planet - and is having a real crisis of confidence at being a stay at home mum in a strange land.
Her 4 year old has been doing summer camps but friend has found the other moms quite distant (it is the drop and run thing about any pre-school where the moms and dads don't tend to linger - kid free time needing to be used to maximum potential). Many camps have seen different kids and parents appear and then head off - so also to the 4 year old, her 'circle of friends' has not been helped with such transition. She is going to start at a 'proper school' in the next few weeks but one out of the district of where they live (parochial school) and I really hope friend gets to meet some other mums and connect because she so sounds at the end of her tether. I am trying to write really supportive e-mails.....I remember the stage she is at with absent husband and demanding toddlers - but I had at least been in USA a few years to have a bit more experience.
She also was back in Britain with family this summer - which whilst quite brilliant at the time, seems to have made coming back to America even harder. She needs more than a big hug.....
Also got a call today from another long standing close friend. Over the years our communication has had its ups and downs but we know each other really very well. And I know her family really well too. And I have felt there was an issue going on - but deliberately waited for her to approach me with it - didn't want to put her on the spot. I got a text last week which included the line 'I may not have been completely honest with you about our situation' and I was really worried - wanted to call her but not hound her - so have been leaving a voice mail and waiting for her to phone back. (Of course she did when I was dealing with a builder, trying to find Buzz Lightyear and coaxing 4 year old to get his shoes on as we needed to leave and get others from soccer camp).
But she shared that her husband is really struggling with alcohol and despite many interventions (the sitting down and reading the heartfelt letters to him - the whole sebang) - by herself and family members, he is in full denial and she has moved out. Hard to know what to say to that one. It has been bad for a while - I knew it was an issue - but not quite as bad as it obviously is. Violence is involved - children are older - but still nonetheless effected and suffering. More than anything friend sounded lonely and weary. Tired. At her wit's end not knowing what it is going to take to make him finally see that he REALLY has a problem. Because his inability to travel, his deceit to all around him, and his difficulties at work aren't enough for him.
Out-patient programmes have not been successful so full rehab is being discussed - even though the guy doesn't believe he has a problem. Friend has found faith - her husband doesn't believe. Friend is in a support group - her husband is very private and doesn't know this. It is A MESS.
And I have thought of her all day. I know her husband - he is one of Hubby's best friends. It is so hard to believe he is this low - but also not completely unexpected if that makes any sense. She said she would text me how his appointment went today. She didn't. I don't want to call and put her on the spot - but I want her to know I am more than thinking of her. I don't live close. She's not living in her house at present. Any ideas what I could do?
Recent Comments
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SCM said:
I sometimes have whole days listening to people like your Gran. read more
on Well slit your wrists..... -
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I like the thinking behind the gifts. Made me smile :) read more
on The Wedding Present.